Oh, but how I wish it was a virtue….because I would be so very virtuous.
Today I feel completely impatient with everything around me. The ducks took too long to find their way outside. John stood for too long at the counter and I was tapping my foot to get in there and do my own thing. Luca took his nap too late and I was trying to get work done. The worst impatience I felt today was when Donovan was having trouble with some math. Guess who hates math? Guess who gets impatient when something seems simple to her but it’s not simple to someone else? ME. I was even impatient as I had to wait to get on here and write about my impatience!
But here’s the gift of being where I am. I recall feeling impatient to get here….but today, I am here. I was impatient waiting for the goat to have babies…..but she did it in her own time and I learned so much from it. I have been impatient for Spring, but it has finally made some headway.
I’m trying to beat my impatience, but it keeps showing its ugly head. I’m so impatient with my impatience that I could scream. But why do I keep being impatient, if it’s been proven to me time and again that things happen in their own time? I can’t go out and pry the daffodils open….well, I could, but if I did, they’d be mangled and ugly. I can’t go out and demand the goat go in labor, or push John out of my way in the kitchen (well, I could, but he’d likely push back). I am trying to have control over things that are so obviously out of my control.
Today I am going outside and starting some seeds. Talk about the ultimate test of my patience. I need to go enjoy the weather and the animals and the smell of Spring. While I am sowing seeds for the future, I will intentionally drink in the present beautiful, renewing moment. It’s a very concrete lesson I am giving myself. As a person who spends most of my time inside of my brain, I sometimes need to put my hands on things to internalize an idea. Here we go….I’ll start flowers, but I will soak in the children running around the yard, the wind moving across the hills, the forever blue of the sky, and the bleatings of a tiny goat who is a living definition of the word ‘frolicking’. I will invest in the future as I live in the now…..for me, that’s big.
Back to math…..say a prayer!